Saturday, August 9, 2008


Ep-i-lation time come on! (to the tune of "Celebration Time")

Everyone who knows me knows that I am better off not handling sharp objects. When I was a child during a blackout at a family dinner, I just about sliced the tip of my thumb off with a butter knife. Shaving as a teen was pretty primeval. I had a strip of scar all down my shin bone- mmmm, pretty! Even now, when I choose to shave, I get at least a few wounds at the knee and ankle.

However, I have discovered the holy grail, the intersection of cheap and effective: epilation instead of shaving! Now, I have heard the horror stories about the Epilady. But the Epilady seems barbaric in comparison to my new toy, the X'celle.

Basically the X'celle is a bunch of little tweezers to pull out body hair (mostly leg, I think). Don't get me wrong, this is no Swedish massage. But it was not horrible, just unpleasant. I didn't need any soap, cream, etc. I didn't cut myself. And I didn't have to balance like the Karate Kid in the shower.

I also tend to be rather low maintenance, at least bodily, which means no beauty item (even the things that seem vital to most women in their 30's) gets done every day, or even every week! I actually shelled out for eyebrow waxing a couple weeks ago, since I was starting to look a little Neanderthal. The stylist at JC Penney's was a little horrified, but he solidered on and gave me a very nice "line", which I gather is the technical term for eyebrows that are appropriately weeded. This comes after the Short Brow Incident, which involves me, one of those little pen-sized facial hair electric razors, and overzealous trimming until I looked ridiculous for months.

Now, I won't be applying the X'celle to anything South of the Border for any time soon (usually I go au naturel), but I did try my armpit. I got one done, then realized that I shouldn't do the other one since I had a bit of a heat rash there. So it is a party on the right and smooth, almost, on the left. It turns out that armpit hair has very deep roots. I wonder why?

Anyhow, I hope nobody takes this to mean I am a hair dictator. I know women have the same rights, genetically and socially, to body hair. I just kinda wanted to femme it up a notch. And since I'm not planning on gracing the hallowed halls of Weight Watchers anytime soon, nor packing my face with layers of foundation and pretty colored toxins, I figure that a little landscaping is the least I can do for my partner.

Next week I do the right armpit, which is twice as bad as the legs. Not terrible, just a little counterintuitive like going up in a roller coaster. You know that bad shit could happen, but it probably won't.

Anyway, not that anyone reads this thing, but if you do, welcome me back to blogging!~